Hey Readers,
It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted a blog. I’ve been working behind the scenes, and over the next six months I’ll be figuring out a regular schedule for these posts. This time away has given me some clarity about where I want to go with my writing and how much of it will be “career” focused versus “hobby” focused, but that’s a post for another day.
Today, I want to reflect on life and how easy it is to get burned out with it.
Life Update:
Many of you know that this year has been more academic focused for me than creative fiction. Thirty-five years ago, as a wee eight-year-old girl, I had this dream to be a public school teacher. This was back when students were given consequences for their actions, behaviors were usually tied to tough home lives, and special education was a select few. These days, there are no real consequences for student actions unless you count being told to take a break and walk the hall. Behaviors have become their own category, and they aren’t limited to home lives as much as they are to a lack of parenting and, again, consequences. The need for special education teachers and paras has easily quadrupled.
So why am I 3.5 classes away from student teaching and my license?
Lots of reasons. One, I’ve bitched long enough about wanting to do this. Two, the penance for my time as a military spouse is paying for it. And most of all, I still want to do it. When a student sees me out in the wild and waves and says hi like they’ve just seen their best friend, it makes it all worth it.
This Master's program is legit though, and it’s sinking me on all other levels. Despite that, I’m maintaining an A average, I’m subbing in the school I hope to land a job in, and as a high school dropout runaway, I’m damn proud of myself for all of it.
Writing Life:
As for writing and life, I’m tired. I’m exhausted with reading about all the negativity in the writing world. I’ve stepped away from social media for the year, though I’ve discovered Reddit, so maybe it’s not a complete disconnect, and I’m still unsure where I want to go with this whole writing thing.
Despite all of that, I am writing.
My memoir is waiting for one final read through and a family friend to draft the foreword. I’ve debated whether I even want to publish it. Writing and reading it once put me into a depression for a while. I have been married for 19 years, and 18 of those were spent in the military lifestyle that I hated more than I loved. I hate admitting that even more. That life is not for the weak, and the fact that I made it through it still feels like a miracle. What bothers me more is how I handled parts of it.
Those questions about going back in time always get me, because the truth is I wouldn’t change anything that gave me my kids, but I would absolutely change how I reacted to a lot of situations. Live and learn, right?
The thing is, all of that solidified how much we only have one life. One chance to do this right. I’m tired of feeling like I’m sucking at life.
How Do We Fix It?
So how do you fix it? If I had that answer, I wouldn’t still be teetering some days. That got darker than I expected, but giving up has never been an option for me. It isn’t now. What has changed is this growing awareness of what I actually want out of life and the realization that I need to start moving toward it.
When life burns you out, you don’t give into it. You fight for what’s worth fighting for, even if no one else agrees or understands.
I don’t know what’s going to happen in 2027, but we’ll see. Only time will tell.
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